One Moment Please

Home. At last. Sehari ini gue berasa mimpi berjalan. Terutama tadi siang--atau sore, jam 2.30 itu masuk mana? Sebelumnya Bogor baru aja diguyur hujan gede, singkat, tapi maknyus. Hujan gitu terus dan Jakarta bakal dapet kiriman penuh cinta dari kota ujanku ini. Haha. Ok, yeah, nggak baik ketawa di atas penderitaan orang. Tapi ngenes banget ya? Karena gue sangat suka ujan, walaupun setelah itu kota tetangga yang bakal kena getahnya. But I love rain.

Some aspect of it, that is. Actually, I like it the most after the rain stops. Only for a short moment, that one moment of clarity, brilliance, I mean, I can go on blurting every single cheezy words I know to describe the feeling. But it is very special indeed, and you can't find it anywhere else. I've been to places, have seen rain in those places, but there's no rain like Bogor. The smell, the color, the 'everything', the 'moment' is different. I can only smell it here, the sweet scent of the soil uniquely belongs to my hometown. In the air, from the dampened land. I knew I missed it so much when I was abroad, the thing I longed the most, the smell after the rain in Bogor. The way you see things will be different, because the light reflected by the wet cars, by the puddle, the last drops on the leaves, call me sentimental, but suddenly you'll see everything in a shade of gold.

Or was it only the sun? Playing tricks on my poor feeble mind? It was a lovely illusion though and I don't want it to be over. I was in a ride for my next lesson course, but I want the ride to last longer. I won't mind if it last forever. Ahaha, how naive. Just after I thought about it, the brilliant moment was over. Like a druggy addict sobered up, it was painful. How the beautiful shades turned grey and ugly. You almost want to leashed out angrily. I'm serious.

Sebegitunya ilusi sore mempengaruhi gue, kenapa? Gue nggak pernah ingin membuat alasan logis untuk kenapa gue begitu terpengaruh sama hal sederhana seperti itu. Apa karena momen-momen sore yang gue lewati selalu ngasih makna? Nggak juga. Gue cuma suka melihat warna-warna dan bau setelah hujan, terutama di sore hari, waktu cahaya matahari itu sangat sempurna di mata gue. Di depan teras rumah sehabis ujan, rumah gue menghadap ke utara, jadi gue nggak langsung menghadap matahari tenggelam, tapi sinarnya tetep nembus daun-daun pohon di depan rumah. Kadang-kadang ada teh hangat di meja kecil di samping, dan biasanya ada Ibu di sebelah juga. Pake daster dan tanpa make up biasanya. Terakhir kali seperti itu gue inget, bunga lotus di depan lagi mekar.

See, Mother? We both love beauty, but what do you percieve from that simple bloom? Did you see the pink with white tint of the petals? I saw the golden pollen on the white petals with pinkish tint. You saw the world from a rose hued glass, grusomely tortured by your sordid past. If I were you I will never forgive them, I'll make them pay for what they did, but you let go, don't you, Mother? Their fake smiles when they welcome us? They sneered behind your back, jeering at the one poor tramp now a wealthy madam. They disgust me, Mother. But I have to smile, don't I? Beside you like a good child. You're tired, Mother, it's better if you know less about me.

Those are the times we enjoyed together. The golden moment after the rain. I don't know why the smell of the stones and soil were so sweet here. It was very dry and dangy in other places, but no, not here. I let my mother see what she wants to see. It was the least I can do, I can never be the child she wants me to be. It was better. Far more better. If she was to know even a tiny bit of it, she'll never forgive me, she'll be hurt beyond my imagination. I can't imagine what my father will feel either. Let them be. I can only give the kiss and hug when she demands it from me. A kiss and a hug, a minimum for each day, I knew it meant a lot to her. The colors were indeed mesmerizing, I wish the frangipani--kamboja, or whatever--will bloom too. My mother loves it so much, or the irises, the yellow petals are blooming too. I told her I want jasmine in our garden when we finished our new house. She agreed. A fragrant kamboja and jasmine, lotuses in water basins, irises along the wall--Father loves it by the way.

Our new house will have a huge deck on the third floor, with a view to Mount Salak. Ah, but I like it better when you can smell the soil on the ground floor. The moment will last longer.